I’m no expert on relationships. As a matter of fact, I am a last carrier. I’ve had my fair share of hurt and heartbreak, and even though I say never again, I still give in to love cos that’s just me *shrugs*.
This post covers just an aspect of relationships and it stemmed from a conversation I had with a good friend of mine on Sunday night. We don’t get to see each other often, so when we do, we tend to play catch up. My friend is married with two kids and most times when we talk, she would ask me about my relationship if any. This time around, She asked me ‘how far’ with a certain someone who at some point, I had mentioned that things were getting pretty serious with. *silence* … I hate questions like these especially when things aren’t dandy. At first, I wanted to act like I didn’t hear her or like I had fallen asleep (as if that would get me out of the conversation loool), but I responded by saying things aren’t exactly rosy at the moment and that we weren’t speaking at the moment. Next thing she said was ‘you’re the woman, you have to be the one to reach out’ and fix things or don’t you want to get married?
I felt so many emotions and processed so many thoughts at the same time. I think anger was even one of them. She didn’t ask what happened, or who was at fault, nothing. All she could say was ‘you’re the woman so fix it’. I know its a common saying that the woman is the keeper of the home, the woman ought to fight for her man, the woman should even set herself on fire to keep her man warm, the woman is to bla bla bla. Yes I have heard all that and more but what goes through my head is, even when he’s wrong? even when he has stepped out of line? Then you hear things like oooh that’s how men are, you just have to deal with it. again.
Like I earlier said, I am no expert but I think statements like that are unfair. Shouldn’t it be a fair fight? Shouldn’t he need me as much as I need him? Why do I have to fix everything, even his own mess? Why do some people think that cos a woman wants to get married she should put up with anything and everything? Fast forward to the next day, another friend of mine asked me the same question and when I said I hadn’t spoken to ‘this certain someone’ in a while, she towed the same line. Haaa Grace! you are the woman o. He know’s you’re stubborn and is expecting you to act this way, you should call him so he knows that no matter what you’re ready to fight for him, you really ought to call him and fix this. Tears literally rolled down my cheeks. I was so pained. No what happened, have you guys tried to talk about it, are you doing okay, nothing!
So I’m sitting here wondering, is this how it really is? Am I to always fix it all and fight for him all the time even when he’s at fault cos I’m the woman? What happens to him realising his faults and making it up to me? what happens to how I feel? Was I created for this purpose in relationships? Am I to always to suck it up and die inside? I think not. I think if he values me as much and he knows he’s wrong, then he ought to fix things.
To this end, I ask (in line with the African way of doing things), must it always be the woman who should try and patch things up irrespective of who is wrong? Is the onus only on her to always do the extending of the olive branch all because “she will be (or is) the wife?”
What’s your take people?
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