Too Soon To Say I Love You?

LoveImage source.

The other day, a friend and I were chatting via bbm. Nothing heavy, just gisting about stuff like how I hate onions and how boli and fish is bae…

You know that kinda convo when out of  nowhere she asked me a question I had never really thought about. “Gracey, how soon is too soon to tell my boyfriend I love you?

Me : Silence *crickets*… (In my head I’m like is he ‘our’ boyfriend?)

According to her, they should be on the I love you level after all they have been dating for 8 and a half months, they practically talk all the time, are best of friends, met each others family, references have been made about the future concerning them, he has told her how much he cares about her and once mentioned he adored her and she ‘thinks’ she loves him and is ready to tell him but she’s being careful so she doesn’t scare him away plus the fact that she doesn’t want to look weak, needy and all that. Hmmmm, at this point I grab my last pack of MnMs, still silent but reading her messages cos I kinda sensed she needed to talk, rant, let it all out or whatever.

Now, you all would think that when she was done, I launched into some mushy speech on how by now they should be exchanging the I can’t breathe without you lines after all, 8 months in the relationship world is quite a while and that she should go ahead and tell him or even ask him if he loves her right? Well not quite. I proceeded by pointing out to her the fact that she said she ‘thinks’ she loves him and needs to be certain she does before saying it to him. He too might be in that phase for all we know. I really didn’t want to have this conversation with her cos I didn’t and still don’t know how to answer such a question but I did end the convo by telling her to wait till she feels it’s right (is there such a time like that though?)

All I know is, one can love many but being in love, now that’s different.

What do you guys think?

In unrelated news: Hear the music in the background? Like it? I intend to put up music on the blog from time to time. You can pause it if it becomes a distraction but if you think I should remove it completely, please feel free to tell me and I will.

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28 thoughts on “Too Soon To Say I Love You?”

  • After 8 months together, I’ll be worried if they weren’t in love with each other cos I think 8 months is enough time to be certain you love someone.. But as for voicing it out, pride? Fear? Or plain lack of trust.. Oh well! These things aren’t simple.. I like the music in the back ground.. Please who sang it?

  • First of all, I love this song! On to the matter, I think the “I love you” thing is quite overrated. If I feel it, I’ll say it. For all I know, some guys will gladly tell you they love you 24/7 and its all lies. Your friend shouldn’t worry about it yet. Instead she should watch his actions, that’s where the actual love lies. One day he would say it without even thinking about it.

    evitaspeaks.blogspot.com

  • Idk idk, All these love matters. When it feels right and she’s certain. There really isn’t a specific time and it differs with everyone. I love the song as well…
    In other news, I was trolling on wumi’s blog earlier and I saw you slaying in that flowery dress that has all your goodies packed nicely????????. Slay on….

    Toyinwithfashion.com

  • The thing with relationships is that they differ. How somebody in a relationship approaches that matter in India is different from how my Zimbabwean brothers would do it. But there is something that is universal, which is when a female and a male has spent so much time “together”, they ought to be attracted to each other. Personally, I am such an old school girl, I would rather have the gentleman tell me how he feels before I have to do it myself.

  • I thought it was bole? Hmm boli. Lol at is he now our boyfriend.
    Well time doesn’t matter, you can spend one week with someone and fall for them and you can spend one year and still feel nada. She should be sure, we spend some time with people and we start to feel like can’t live without em…. i’m a believer tho in him saying it first.

    On another note, I hate when a blog has a song playing on the background. Cos I always have so many tabs open, I’ve to start figuring which one it is. So as usual I had so may tabs open, and before I figured out which blog, I was already hooked on the song. Already downloaded it. So I guess you’ve changed my mind, you always did have good taste in music. Kudos.
    Itsdivadiaries.com

  • Hi Grace,

    This week, I have seen a lot of love-themed blog posts whilst on my “blog strolls”. Valentine’s day is the culprit. 😀

    Well, I don’t think there should be set timelines for the declaration of affection, it makes it rather mechanical.

    Love is a decision. The moment you decide to accept the other person as they are (imperfections and all) then I think the love process has gradually started.

    I like the music, it’s quite relaxing.

    PS: The new madam on the blog header is all shades of chic! Lol

  • This is interesting. I had this dilemma a few months back and told a close friend about it. My boyfriend started saying ‘I love you’ a while after we got together and truth be told it made me uncomfortable. Mostly because i didnt feel i could honestly reciprocate those words. However i was conscious of the fact that no reply from me might hurt his feelings. I simply told him id rather he didnt say those words. Fast forward a few months and i was beginning to feel like i love him but was still hesitant to voice my feelings bcos i wanted to be very sure and not just say it bcos hed like to hear it. I eventually expressed it first in a card and now its easier to say i love him, although i rarely say it. I dont love him as much i hope to eventually but each relationship is different and i dont want to rush myself.

    Im not sure why i told this story but if you’re unsure like i was, dont rush thungs just bcos you think thats whats next or bcos your partner wants to hear it. Find a balance between being sure and waiting for your feelings to be 100% super-intense.

  • Well I believe in following my heart at all times. If I’m in love, il tell him. Anyway we both expressive. If I haven’t gotten der yet. I simply say, ure in my heart. Lol. Love d music too.

  • OMG Gracie!! I’ve never been this excited about a Nigerian blog! I love love love love that song. Yes like Sogie I had to scan through my many tabs to find out which was playing. I even closed this and re-opened. But i love love it. Was even looking for a replay button. In fact, permission to steal the idea for my blog too?? hahaha

    As for the love ish, i think she should take her time. I am a bit worried though that 8 months down the line theyre still a bit rigid, but then better late and sure than early and unsure. Love is vulnerable and its not unsure. It’s a choice. I’m conventional and would generally prefer the guy to say it first but there’s absolutely nothing wrong if she says it first. It takes maturity to handle love and its ok if she still wants to take her time. Relationships differ so she should compare with others and feel pressured.

    Meanwhile, this is my first time and I’m definitely coming back for more! I cant find replay button so i’ll just close the tab and open it again. Or go download..lol. Thanks for making me find this song.
    *hugs*

    http://www.ursulasebastine.com

    • Geeez. You should see me grinning from ear to ear. Thank you sooo much for this comment. Lol like you need my permission to add music to your blog. I hope my music collection stays on point.

      • Dancing at my granted wish…lool…ewo!! I meant she shouldn’t compare or feel pressured oo…kai. When my mother said I should calm down and type when i’m excited I didn’t listen..lool. Keep up the great work dear…lovely writing style too.

  • Hmmmm……I wld rather suffocate, choke than say the words 1st. I m unapologetically conventional like that. U want me to open my mouth and say ‘I love u’ and then get a response like ‘ditto’. Choi!!! #Godforbidbadtin

  • Goodness.. to not know when the right time is to say I love you… I think if you’re gonna say it and mean it even if you don’t get the response you wanted( and you most likely won’t ) is…. courage. Doesn’t mean you should put yourself out there on a ledge errytime, but if you mean it say it.

  • What music is in the background? I can’t hear it 😢 😢 anyways, to me let her delay. Because from personal experience, telling someone the ‘L’ word early is never a good thing though eight months whew, that’s a long time

    quirksandoutfits.wordpress.com

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