Talk Thursday || Dealing With Loss…

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It was on the 2nd of November 2012, at exactly 9:45 AM when I turned on my phone and read my messages. My best friend’s  girlfriend had sent me a message saying ‘Brian was gone’ …

Huh! gone where? I quickly dialled her number but I could barely hear her over her sniffing and crying. First thing I did after the call was turn off my phone and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like eternity. Then slowly, it dawned on me. Brian was dead. Same Brian I spoke to the day before? He had called me to say he was scared. He was scheduled for an operation and he called me to me tell he was scared and what did I do? I scolded him. Asked him to man up. Asked him where his faith was. Told him it was no big deal and he would be fine. I did all of that and ignored the one thing I should have done, pray with him. I literally wanted to hurt myself. Then the water works started. I cried till I had no more energy to. I felt extremely… I still don’t have the words to express how I felt.

I had never lost someone. Well, I had never lost someone that close. I had lost my grand mum and grand dad and even attended my grand dads funeral but this felt different. I wasn’t close to my grandparents so the loss didn’t run that deep but this was different. Brian was someone I shared my everyday with. When I was in Lagos on holidays, we were always together. First thing in the morning, we were already texting, planning our day. Sometimes, we would play cards with other friends under a canopy close to our houses. Brian was more than a best friend. He was my blood. My very own Brian. I could tell him anything and everything. I remember how he used to vet guys who asked me out, I remember how he used to call me his smallie, how he would cook and call me asking me to come over to eat (he was a darn good cook), how I would bully him until he bought me candy or coke. I remember dad letting me go for a late night show all cos I was with Brian.

I didn’t know how to process the news. I didn’t want to believe it. I called his number like a million times hoping he would pick up and say ‘my guy my guy, howfar’ our usual greeting but that didn’t happen. Slowly It hit me, Brian was really gone. There would be no more calls, no more texts, no more teasing, no more playing cards under the canopy, no more ‘Brian cook na I’m coming over’, no more wait for me I’ll follow you to church, no more Brian. The question now is, how did I deal with the loss of my best friend? Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t even think I have fully dealt with it. I haven’t been to his place since he died to even say hi to his mum. I haven’t used the path leading to his house, I always use the longer route when I need to go that way. I still think about him a lot and every time I do, I tear up. Clearly, I’m not over the loss of Brian. It’s been two years and I still haven’t dealt with it ‘cos I really don’t know how to, so what I’ve done is suppress it all. So today, I’m asking you all, How am I to deal with this loss? If you’ve ever lost someone how did you deal with it?

 

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9 thoughts on “Talk Thursday || Dealing With Loss…

  1. Hmmm, I’ve lost a few dear ones, I still can’t believe it sometimes but then I take comfort in the fact that God knows everything and our lives are in his hands, we will see them again in heaven some day. God keep us all.

  2. Wow!!! I was looking forward to your post today & to be honest you have really brought back memories. I also lost my best friend Iruobe Ohiwere aka Babs on the 21st of April 2007. Its been 8years but it still hurts & I find myself shedding tears just thinking of him. How do we really deal with the pain? I guess we don’t. I live each day with the memories of the good & fun times we had. That makes me smile & happy. I also think of all the plans we had, which gets me a bit upset & sad. But we have to thank God for such friendships & for the little & precious time they shared with us. I know Babs is in a better place & so is Brian as well. Knowing they are with God should give us comfort.

    Thanks for sharing this. God bless you.

  3. My dear we don’t. We never really deal with it. Will the hurt completely go away? No. Our confidence is that they are at peace.

  4. I now understand why when ever I asked “have you gone to see his mum?” and the reply will be “No, I will go sha” but still you never did.

    I don’t think I have dealt with loss this bad, maybe because I was too young to understand what it meant when I lost two very close people, “my dad” and “my grandma”. The former left me with the absence of a fatherly touch and comfort but the later was something deeper, the warmth of a mother and a friend. Even though I was young when I lost both, I still wish they had stayed longer and could have shared in my life’s journey.

    Really, there is no clear cut way to deal with loss.

  5. Hi, there’s no definite way to deal with the loss. Its been two years already so you have to move on, but first you have to close that door you left open, the loss of your dear friend. Go see his mom, it would be hard though. Apologise about not coming over, the rest would sort it self out. As for your own personal redemption, talk to God and Brian through some kinda reflection. Tell him how you miss him and scold him for leaving you all alone. Laugh with him and tell him to always watch your back for you.
    Stay safe

  6. Hi Grace,

    I can relate with the pain from the loss of a loved one. The pain never really goes away, the passage of time only numbs it little by little, and on some days, the pain comes back full force 🙂

    One day at a time, be thankful for the beautiful memories of your dear friend.

I appreciate all your comments!